The Aberrant Ziggurat

the various meanderings of josh belville

party boats

There’s this girl I know whose Facebook profile has become nothing but photos of her on party boats, in these “Look at me I’m in a party boat!” poses, surrounded by muscley dudes, impossibly attractive women, and cases upon cases of Bud Light. I will never understand extroverts. If you put me on a party boat I’d be like, “This is fun, but can this boat really hold this many people? I feel like maybe our water displacement is all off. How do we check for that — What? You — more people? There’s like twenty people on this boat. That woman is wearing basically a bikini that only covers her nipples. And that guy could beat me up. Oh yeah. That guy too. What? Oh, yeah, I love your Ed Hardy tattoo. Why have a douchey tiger on your shirt when you could have it on your chest! What’s that? No thanks, I’ll keep my shirt on, I, you know, my chest acts like a second moon when exposed is all. Did anyone bring anything besides Bud Light? Yeah? You did? Is that … is that a vuvuzuela? What? I drink out of this? So it’s like a long funnel. Okay. Cheap tequila and orange juice? Oh boy — Can … can I get off, please? I really have to level up my Skyrim mage.”